Yo Melvin

Yo Melvin,

Yeah that's right, dude, some people might call you a journal but I just named you Melvin. Please take a moment to dismiss all possibilities that I'll ever regard you as Dear, and you're on crack if you think the word diary will ever appear again on these pages. Fuck that, Melvin, you are Melvin, Yo Melvin.

I have to tell you, Melvin, I'm very new to this. And frankly, I think I've already screwed the whole thing up because I have never heard of anyone starting one of these things with a prologue. And before you start tweaking out, Melvin, that asterisk is not a typo, there are just some things in life that I'm not sure about and I've recently discovered the asterisk as a temporary fix. You know, something to throw down there to cover my ass while I continue looking for some answers. Not that you should be judging me, Melvin. Don't forget that you have no say. You could be something fruity like Jinky tomorrow if you don't play your cards right. So please, I am begging you, do not stray from the point of all this. I feel like I have humored you enough, and if you don't mind I will now be getting on with my life. You are more than welcome to stay, just try not to be a fucking distraction, okay Melvin?

Anyways, I just feel weird jumping right into a single day. I’ve already made the mistake of watching Pirates of the Caribbean 3 without seeing the second one, and I vowed never to let that sort of thing happen again on my watch to myself or anyone; this even includes questionable individuals like yourself. I can sense already that you’re a real nosy fuck, Melvin, so I’ll do my best to stick to the program set forth today, and you’ll know every little moment of this “whole life that I have ahead of myself.” You might even be exposed to a healthy chunk of my afterlife in the event that my ghost remains literary. But nonetheless, I have no choice but to catch you up to speed at least a little bit on the past twenty eight and a half years of my life. We’ll rush through the necessary details, and if you’re lucky I’ll fill you in on the minutiae as the pages turn. 

Alright that's enough. Get some sleep, Melvin.