& then...

He'd crossed a line that he thought was impossible for him to cross. He wasn't sure there was any going back. He was so distraught that he'd forgotten. 

Adirondacks

Water gurgling along, the wind whispering through tall hemlock pines, swaying the giants back and forth as they creak and dance in the moonlit night. A low hanging fog huddles over the swift moving water entangling her frame like smoky fingers. She sits upon the granite rocks within the narrow mountain stream with her dark brown hair secured by a green bandana, it was one of her favorite accessories because it had belonged to her Papa. He had used it to wipe the sweat of his brow while working the land of his cow farm in upstate Vermont. Her eyes sparkled as the moon shone off her smooth tan face. She tilted her head upward and he could see her smile at him.

Then a bright flash of light…

The sun flaring into his eyesight. He looked back up, using his hands to shade his eyes, there was no one on the granite rocks.

He had come here 2 years ago with Kalen and they had camped out on this mountain stream, hiked the summit of several High Peaks and enjoyed the enchantment of the Adirondack wilderness. Life was joyous then, no concern about the next day, just enjoying each moment.

The stream bed was all dried up now, choked with dried leaves and strewn with the shattered skeletons of the giant hemlocks. The sun beat down on the granite stones now with no shade from its glaring stare. The man hadn’t seen water in over 5 days and he had drunk the last of his supply two evenings prior. The desire for thirst was heavy upon him but the sense of loss was even greater.

Kalen had been there for a moment; he could have walked across the water and reached out and touched her. Maybe hallucinations were setting in now. The man stumbled up the rocky trail until he found refuge behind a massive limestone speckled boulder. He found a comfortable spot on a bed shaped polished rock and lay upon its cool surface. He’d wait until the afternoon heat waned and then continue the search for water.

Fire hurtling across the night sky, smoke trailing its rapid trajectory, followed by an atomic explosion, knocking one back tens of yards with a sonic boom so large that all you heard was deafening silence. There was no time to react. There was no time to say goodbye. Time was gone…

Startled awake with his coughing, the ravine was filled with thick grey smoke. He could feel the heat blazing from behind, quickly moving up the stream bed feeding off the littered path of dead trees. The man began scrambling over the rocks hoping to out run the blaze but he wasn’t sure he’d be so fortunate this time.

To Be Continued…

Reprise

~ fading into the ash of sunset, left with dull memories of what may or may not have been... always knew how this was going to end, hand on my heart and you nowhere to be found.

all over again - Part 2

As I walked south on Michigan Avenue, the warm breeze of late summer crossed my path. I entered her building and rode up to the 33^rd floor. I wandered the hallway trying to find her door. Eventually I stood there and paused, unsure of my place in time. I knocked, hoping for everything. A dog barked… I'd forgotten she had a new friend. We’d driven sixteen hours with her beloved feline Chloe, who had chosen to piss in my friend Billy's truck en route to Chicago. I still felt bad that had happened but somehow months later Billy was still able to sell the pickup, despite the lingering odor. It turns out Chloe had recently moved to Florida to live with Rebecca's mother and now Maxine was her new companion. Maxine scratched at the door, while I waited.

This was actually my last night in Chicago. It was work that had brought me back to this city and an email had led to this moment at her doorstep. It opened and there she was smiling and radiant as always. Golden blonde hair and tan face with those dark eyes that always sparkled. Rebecca was jealous of my blue eyes. She told me when she was little, she’d always prayed for blue eyes like her friends but alas she was cursed for life with her cute brown ones. I gave her a hug and I missed her at that moment more than I ever had before.

Rebecca showed me the startling view of Chicago and Lake Michigan from her new apartment balcony. We opened the bottle of Shiraz and began to talk about the past four years of our lives. She hadn’t changed much at all. Rebecca was still the same lovely and beautiful woman that I’d remembered. We also discussed what had happened between us. She saw it as having been a chance for me to fight for a woman, as I’d tried to convince her months after I left Chicago that maybe we should consider a future. She had spent time thinking about my proposal but ultimately said no. That was the last time I spoke to her as I’d responded that I wasn’t able to be friends anymore.

As we sat together on her couch; Time was stopped. That’s how it always felt when I spent time with Rebecca. But eventually we realized it was 2:30am and she had to get up at 6am for work. I wanted to stay. I lingered a bit and took a moment to encourage her and thank her for being who she was. I eventually embraced Rebecca and said goodbye.

As I rode back on the subway toward my hotel, I realized that I was still in love with Rebecca. And I'd lost her all over again.

all over again

Clickety clack, clickety clack, that all familiar sound of riding on the subway. Here I was back in the Windy City, exactly 4 years from the last time I'd seen her. I had decided to throw a hail mary and see what might happen. As I rode the L train south, a part of me hoped this might be a new beginning. Maybe she missed me as much as I'd missed her. I had tried to push her out of my memory. And I'd almost succeeded but here I was back in Chicago and I couldn't resist trying to contact her. To my surprise and delight, she said “I would love to see you!"

While I rode the train she texted, "What kind of wine or beer do you want?" I responded "Shiraz would be nice." She said "Done. :)" This made me smile and miss her even more. It had been a couple of years since I'd last spoken to her. 

I exited the Roosevelt stop and climbed the stairs feeling quite hopeful. I proceeded on a brisk pace toward Michigan Avenue unsure of what I might discover. It had been forever but the reflection in the rearview of her walking away was always etched in my memory. What if I'd stayed? I had to leave at some point but I hadn't wanted to...

A woman so sweet, gentle, and radiantly amazing but you’re separated by time and circumstance. It all began when my friends said, "There's this girl you need to meet because we think you two would be perfect for each other." And they were right; it was perfect. Possibly the best four weeks of my life but eventually things changed. She started to pull back and resist. I don't think she believed that she deserved to be loved. She knew I loved her but she couldn't receive it. I knew she wasn't in love with me anymore but I didn't want to believe it.

At that point, I'd already committed to help her move to Chicago. She needed help and I suppose I was her best option, so I followed through as always, loyal to the end even if it meant enduring pain. The drive from Boston to Chicago was tiring, surreal and bliss. The days of unpacking her boxes and helping her begin a new life were as if we'd been together for a lifetime. I remember walking down the street with her, arm in arm, totally in love with this woman of radiance yet deep down breaking within because I knew I'd be leaving her within hours. My heart couldn't believe it was over.

As I drove away that final day, I couldn't see her face as she walked away from the truck but I knew she was as heart broken and torn as I was. She may not have been in love anymore but I know she didn't want me to leave. I will always regret that day.

to be continued...

Once Again...

He was getting rather forgetful in his old age. Maybe it was all the long days and little hours of sleep... He'd spend hours working on little projects in the basment and then forget to ever go back and finish what he'd started. Margaret never would have let him get away with that but she was no longer there. Oh, How much he did miss her. Maybe that's why he was so forgetful? Perhaps she was the missing piece that kept him from being whole and when he wasn't whole, then he simply wasn't himself. He hadn't been himself for awhile.

But then Charlie, his wife's favorite Tabby cat, jumped up on the desk and reminded him of what he had forgotten. Maybe Charlie was the key to curing all this memory loss...

park city

He sometimes wondered if this job was killing him. Little sleep to be had, often getting sick & lack of a social life. Was he choosing this or was it choosing him? work and sleep, that was his life. No time to see friends, no time to climb mountains & no time to write stories. He hoped that one day this would change.