Let Me Know If You’re Ever In Los Feliz

He had two skills: being funny and sabotaging romance.

He was funny even back in middle school when the hormones began. Girls like funny guys.  But he was fat in middle school. The two cancelled each other out. Youngsters are superficial. And he didn’t like the fat girls. He was young and superficial.  

He dropped the weight in high school but had no idea how to open up a dialogue. A crush developed, but his only tactic was to call her and ask about the homework. A decent strategy if used sparingly, but he did this most nights and was third in his class at the time. He knew what the homework was. He did the homework. Better than 99% of his classmates. Including that girl.

He got his act together in college, but only partially. His personality bloomed to the point where he acquired a girlfriend. She pursued him, and he had wanted romance since his Kraft Macaroni and Cheese middle school days so he gladly changed his relationship status from “lost” to “found.” Here’s a little secret about people who pursue you, though. Find out “why”. Lust, laughter, an intangible attraction, all valid answers. But control? Not valid. He learned the hard way.

He broke free of that prison, moved 3,000 miles away, and was back to square one. Wiser now but still possessing zero ability. At a bar a girl wandered up, peered around aimlessly, and announced “I’m looking for someone...”. What an excellent prompt for what is known in literary and love circles as a “meet cute”. Instead of a simple, “You found me!” he concluded “I hope you find them” did the trick.

It might be hopeless. There was one truly great conversation with a girl. He felt confident about their repartee. At the end he handed her his card. Here’s a fun fact; handing your card to someone who interests you is the adult equivalent of calling for the homework.

After the handoff came his big closer: “Let me know if you’re ever in Los Feliz.”

It’s been six months now. He wouldn’t be surprised if she hasn’t gotten a chance to make that trek though, because you know, with all the horrible traffic these days...